There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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