I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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