The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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