Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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