i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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