we have officially lost it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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