why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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