the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Vodka?
Forever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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