A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my liver is dry heaving
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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