you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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