Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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