this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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