I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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