So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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