How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize