why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize