On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize