People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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