Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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