We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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