All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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