So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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