Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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