all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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