is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize