i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize