During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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