I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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