i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
soo... how was my night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize