if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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