Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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