I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize