Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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