I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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