i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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