and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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