Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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