I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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