I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize