it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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