i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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