she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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