I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my being single is dangerous.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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