i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
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Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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