Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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