he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize