So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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