I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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