all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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