I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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